Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed
By Elvina Halsway
Introduction
So, you are one of those busy people who never seems to have enough time to do everything. As such, you are easily irked and irritated because some things just take forever to complete. As you rightfully should, because time is a very precious thing to people like us! Muggles aren't the only ones who are evolving into a world where everything becomes instant, through what they call globalisation. If they can do it, we can do it even better. What's the use of magic if you can't just snap your finger and have your work be done in a blink of an eye? (Well okay, maybe not literally that fast, but still way faster than you would do it otherwise!)
Now that I've got your attention, here is what we offer. This book is precisely for those of you who simply have no time to spare for trivial things. For example, instead of cooking your own meal (which takes forever, I know!) you can zap them with a simple spell. No more boring deliveries, barely edible carryouts, or buying food from much too expensive restaurants! You can still have delicious gourmet food for that amazing Christmas dinner and get some important projects done all at the same night.
And before you say it's impossible to conjure food, that is not what I mean at all. What I'm saying is, you still need to buy the ingredients, but the spells in this book will teach you how to make them mix and cook themselves. Meanwhile, you can finish your other business until your food is ready. Isn't that very practical and saves a lot of your precious time?
Another example would be cleaning your house. You know it's such a daunting task, but your house sadly cannot clean itself and hiring a maid is just another waste of money. But can't your house clean itself? Maybe it can, with our basic hexes! There's no need to worry about having to spend hours upon hours with your dirty mop and feather duster anymore. It's the practical era in the Wizarding world with Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed. The book also covers more than just household issues. Got a boring job of sorting files and the likes? Forget computers; we’ve got much more advanced spells to solve your problem way quicker. After all, we understand that time is Galleons. And we're here to help you get more!
Provoking People
Our ever evolving Wizarding world is becoming increasingly busy. Which makes our time increasingly valuable. If you have ever been stuck in a situation where you just can't seem to get away from a torrential talker or an irritating in-law, this chapter may hold some hope for you. We'll take a quick look at a few charms and potions that just might buy you the quickest exit possible the next time you find yourself badgered into a corner!
A simple and highly effective solution to get someone to stop talking to you, is an instant assault on their olfactory senses. In other words, we are going straight to the nose of the situation! You can prepare for this problem at home. Simply brew up a basic elixir of Pepper Breath and pack a small amount with you when you leave your home. If you carry a small flask on yourself at all times, no one will suspect you are trying to scare them off. They'll just assume you are rather thirsty. You can also use the excuse that you are getting over a serious bout of Phantom Fever and must stay hydrated at all times. (We've provided the recipes to all elixirs and potions near the index, if it is not provided on the page.)
Another proven exit strategy is known as "breaking out in boils". This will almost guarantee anyone in your immediate area will avoid you at all costs! No one wants to be anywhere near a mysterious, sudden and possibly contagious skin condition. This is also one of the simplest charms to mutter when space is needed. Repeat the following phrase while pulling out an arm hair.
Fickle Fever
do arise.
Bubble and boil
as my disguise.
While the title of this chapter may seem like we're launching an assault, it is actually quite the opposite effect we are seeking. We're hoping the people you are trying to get rid of will be pushed into getting away from you themselves. If they take action to leave, you can walk away knowing you haven't made an enemy, but have managed to save yourself from at least a few miserable moments!
Jinxes in Jiffy
These days every witch and wizard seems to be strapped for time. This book is designed to help you make the most out of that precious time and hopefully find you a little extra throughout your day!
In this chapter we will take a look at a few ways you can use jinxes in a hurry. There will be no time wasted with these great hexes, we've narrowed it down to the simplest most effective ones that you can use to your advantage when needed.
When jinxing another person it is best to be aware that despite you best efforts to conceal your intentions. the other person may eventually catch on to who actually jinxed them. In cases like this remember to keep retaliation in the back of your mind before starting any of these jinxes.
One of the most convenient jinxes is the brisk bad luck incantation. This jinx can be uttered within a few feet of its target and can have the desired effect for up to 24 hours. It is best to use this particular incantation in open spaces, as it has been know to produce multiple victims in small rooms.
Mutter the next few sentences under your breath then quickly tap the targeted subject on the shoulder with the tip of your wand. (it is possible to make this look like an accident, see index for chapters on; Quick concealing charms)
Broken clovers and the blackest cats.
Descending down like a plague of rats.
shattered mirrors one by one
for just this day bad luck be done.
Another quick way to jinx an unsuspecting target is a quick and powerful potion called the double quick curse. This curse packs twice the amount of bad luck into one small bottle. Just be sure that you know that you are sure of your actions before uncorking the bottle!
This concoction is strongest when brewed under a new moon.
3 pinches of spider webs
5 broken frog legs
1/4 cup garlic
1/2 a pot of boiling water
Ad all ingredients to boiling water. Continue to boil and remove from heat when the spider webs began to evaporate. Slowly drain and store in an airtight glass container. This potion has a shelf life of at least 33 years.
Countdown to Being Carefree
This next chapter is dedicated to the art of dislocation. We are not talking about certain dark arts or causing bodily harm, what we are talking about is carefully relocating items you may want temporarily removed from you presence. These few hexes are written to guarantee a result in as little as thirty seconds. After all we seldom have extra time to spare these days.
You may find yourself in a situation where an inanimate object needs to be removed from your presence. Let's just say your great uunt's twice baked molasses potatoes are brought out at a family dinner. You could smile and suffer your way through the situation, or simply utter one of the following incantations to be rid of them! These simple hexes only work on items that do not breathe, so as long as your great aunt's potatoes don't have a heartbeat, your problem should be solved in a matter of moments.
There will of course be instances when others present will be watching you, so it is at times like these that our simple concealment charms chapter will come in handy. Once again this book is saving you valuable time, by providing the answers to all your hexing needs in one easy to find location!
Remember to speak clearly and direct your entire focus into the hex. Hexes can be broken, so remember to keep your wits about you should those pesky potatoes suddenly reappear. In that instance watch out! Your great aunt may be on to you!
Hiding Hex
Too close to see
to far to smell
Let the darkness
hide you well
From my sight
and others too
let no one even
think of you.
Vanished not Vexed
Be gone now I do no wrong
let my fortune be as it may.
Disappear without a trace
in this moment for a day.
Magic Worker
Like most busy bees, a lot of us like to be the go-to person. Usually this isn't easy to do, because it means being a peppy, multi-tasking delight with tons of free time. Of course, no one's like that. But this chapter will help you get closer to being that person. Because, whether it's your boss or your co-workers and friends, you can make hard-work seem easy if you know the charms to use.
This first handy hex is one you'll use as often as you use a quill. Which is probably every day, especially in class or at the office. Now, have you ever had the tedious and unfortunate necessity to copy down notes? Or have you ever had to take a message when your hands were full? Well, grab a quill, say the following sentence, and it will do the work for you, saving you time and energy.
Ink Sync
Go light feather through the air,
copy to the parchment there,
all that I have thought and said,
write it clear so it be read.
As important as being productive, is to look like a dazzling professional while doing it. Trust me, it doesn't help if you don't. Those of you who have walked around with a spot on your shirt or a rip in your stockings know what I mean. Not to worry though, I've got a way to repair damaged or stained clothes. This charm will have them tidy and fixed in seconds. Just put your wand on the clothing and use the following words.
Orderly Outfit
Wrinkled, stained with pumpkin juice,
for this piece I still have use,
clean it up, give it a spruce,
tie the threads that have come loose.
So, once you've gotten these down, you'll have two of the most tedious tasks virtually eliminated from your to-do list. And you haven't even broken a sweat. Enjoy it!
Silence is Golden
We all know when we’re busy we don't want to hear every noise going on. This can be difficult when you’re at the office and everyone is talking to each other, or when you are at home and everyone is screaming trying to be hear. Well, with this chapter we make it easy. You will find ways to block everyone out. We even have a spell so you don't have to listen but everyone will think you are.
This fist hex will work like a protective shell around you. Making it so you don't have to hear what is going on. This is perfect for when you are readings, studying, or you don't need to be involved. Remember don’t do this when you are flying you might crash.
For this hex you really want to concentrate and speak clearly.
Silence to all
The noise is to loud
Silence is needed
Please let my voice be the only one I hear
Silence to all I plead
To undo this when you are ready to hear the world again the reversal is:
Silence is lonely
Let others be heard
A voice needs friends
Let theirs voice join in
For this next hex it will allow you to block all unnecessary noise. Anything that is important will be heard. This you can use when you are flying, it makes for a great flight with others. I do believe this is one of my favorite hexes of all time.
This is great at work, you can block out your coworkers but you will still be able to hear your boss. When if you are cooking you will be able to hear the timer. Many uses I’m sure you will find a reason to fall in love with this hex too.
Knowledge is key
Silence is nice
But knowledge is key
Keep the word of chitchat
But let me hear all I need
Now the reversal to this is:
Knowledge is not all
Others should be heard
Sometimes chitchat is needed
Let the silence to take flight like a bird
Purgato! (Latin for cleaning)
For the more, mature witch or wizard, a clean home or work space is essential for a clear mind, after all the less clutter in your room the less thoughts cluttering your brain, but for those such as Mrs Weasley who have little time on their hands, a cleaning hex may just be what they are looking for.
This hex is actually taught in the second year, sadly most students tend to overlook it and deem it as a useless spell, however, I assure you that they are wrong.
So tell me my friends, have you ever found yourself with no time at all and a multitude of things to do?
Have you tried to prioritize but realized that cleaning is at the bottom of your list?
Are your friends falling out with you because you keep costing them house points due to your untidiness?
Maybe that easy to learn, cleaning hex isn’t so useless after all.
But first let me ask you, why is it that you find yourself with no time?
Perhaps you have a stack of homework yet to complete, or you want to get one more training session before the next Quidditch match, or maybe you just cannot be bothered to do anything yet your dormitory is a mess and you know that if it is not clean by the morning then you will have points deducted.
Well the solution is simple use the cleaning hex!
To perform the hex, one must stand close to the exit of the room or designated area (I will explain why in a moment.)
Let’s first practice the wand movement, I would like you to imagine that you are stirring a cup or tea (or whatever beverage you would prefer.)
That’s right, now you want your movement to be fairly wide after all the wider the circle, the stronger the spell (please take care not to injure oneself.)
Once you have mastered the movement the incantation is simple simply speak clearly the word: “Purgato” (Latin for cleaning), this is pronounced per-gar-toe.
Excellent, now do not stay to watch the magic unfold instead leave the room or designated area.
Should you have a door or window to peer through you will find that several objects in your room have started to move.
Yes, amazing isn’t it?
Clothes folding themselves up, books returning to their shelves, parchment rolling itself up and spilled ink fading away, the bed making itself and those Honeydukes wrappers floating into the bin.
Can you see why I have asked you to leave the room?
No, it is not to spoil your fun but whereas the hex may seem interesting to watch, it is not so interesting and amazing when you are hit in the back of the head which a thick, hardback, floating spell book.
Beautification Bewitchment
This hex is for the witch or wizard who prefers the comfort of their night robes and likes to spend an extra few minutes snoozing their owl alarm in the morning.
Do you need to present an outwardly immaculate appearance?
Want the skills of a Metamorphmagus but not born with that ability?
Yes there are ointments and potions available for defrizzing hair, make-up applying wands and even an on-body clothes iron. But really who has time for that?
Instead use the Bewitching Beautification Hex and turn up for work in your nightrobes with morning hair but to others look like the most enchanting person ever.
How to Perform the Hex
The good news is that you perform this hex on yourself before leaving the house and then for the amount of time you specify everyone who looks at you will be hexed. You do need to make sure you allow at least two minutes before you leave the house to perform the relevant wand motions and speak the incantation.
Step 1. Stand upright with the best posture you can muster (don’t worry you can slouch later - the bewitchment will remember and evoke this posture for the rest of the day though).
Step 2. Hold your wand in your non-dominant wand hand and wave it anti-clockwise around the top of your head three times repeating the words Beautification Bewitchment for each rotation.
Step 3. Relax your arm and speak the incantation below naming the length of time that you wish the hex to last for (up to a maximum of 24 hours) where I have written time needed.
They say you snooze you lose
But that’s not true
Now I’ve put this hex on you
My beautification bewitchment
Means all that see
See the perfect form of a perfect me
For the next (time needed)
If at me you glance
You’ll be under my beautification trance
Step 4. Hold the wand in your dominant hand and wave it clockwise around the top of your head three times repeating the words Beautification Bewitchment for each rotation.
Step 5. Check the effects by looking in a mirror.
Step 6. Go and face the world confident that you look fabulous.
WARNINGS
Overuse of this Hex can make those around you start to feel completely inadequate and may induce in them tears and frequent mirror visitations.
Hex may wear off if you boast too much.
Hex only applied after the first glance so people will see your natural state for a second.
It is best to wear shoes or hard soled slippers because this hex does not prevent lego (a notoriously painful muggle toy) on the floor injuries.
Hex is not effective on cameras on videos!
Now, here are fifty ways to curse, hex, and bewitch your friends. Complete with curse and counter curse, in case things get out of control. Some of these curses can be dangerous, use discretion and caution along with them.
Rictusempra - The tickling curse. If it sounds pleasant you are mistaken. This curse causes the victim to double up in hysterical bouts of tickles. The first ten seconds may be enjoyable, but it quickly becomes extremely painful. Ever hiccup too long and your chest starts to hurt? That is what this curse does, only ten times worse. Counter Curse - Infinite Incantatem.
Tarantallegra - Causes the victims legs to jerk as if in a quickstep. Force your friends to dance the day away. Of course this isn't exactly a dance, more as if the person is being pulled in ten different directions.
Counter Curse - Finite Incantatem.
Serpensortia - Emits a snake that attacks the victim. The snake comes out of the end of the wand. Usually goes after the first person it sees, though it can backfire so beware. Counter Curse - Finite Incantatem.
Furnunculus Curse - Causes warts to grow over the entire body. There is no counter curse; victim should go to a medical professional for an antidote. Warts usually remain for three days after curse is performed. Last a week if no medical attention is sought.
Jelly-Legs - Binds the legs together. Forces victim to hop around until counter curse is performed. Counter Curse - Extracto Limparo.
Slugiasho - Causes the victim to puke up slugs. This is quite the nasty charm. With no counter curse, victim continues to puke up slugs until the curse has worn off. Strongest for the first four hours, curse usually stops after twenty-four hours.
Esterase - This dashing hex causes all of a persons hair to fall out. Even more delightful is that there is no known counter curse, the victim is forced to wear hair replacements until the hair begins to grow back.
Engorgio Tetro - Causes teeth to grow abnormally large. Teeth will not stop growing until the counter curse is performed. Counter curse will stop growth and then slowly shrink teeth back. When teeth have reached their normal size say finite Incantatem. Counter Curse - Reducto Tetro.
Animagus Impero (animal)- This devilish curse turns the victim into animal. If you want to turn your victim into a rat say Animagus Impero Rat. You can replace the animal with any of your choosing. Counter Curse - Finite Incantatem.
Hepporio - Turns the skin green. Sick of looking at someone? Make your point with this curse. Effects wear off after twelve hours. No counter curse available.
Emprasio - Forces the person to call praises to the curse giver. A perfect curse to use on an enemy. What would be better than having that person glorify your name for thirteen hours straight. Yes, thirteen hours and there is no counter curse!
Diliashus - This curse makes the victim give insults to everyone. Everyone would include teachers and parents. What better way to land someone in detention than to have him or her tell off an elder. Counter Curse - Finite Incantatem.
Bashladak - Humiliate your enemy and watch him burst into tears with this clever little hex. Your victim becomes oversensitive and will shed tears over the slightest provocation. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Enragiamus - Watch your victim become extremely dangerous to those around him. Best to say this curse and run because you will also be at risk of his wrath. Counter curse - Yetti Hella.
Giddius - Want to impress an audience? Perhaps you just want to make someone look silly. Curse your friends with uncontrollable laughter. No matter what is said they will laugh as if it was the funniest thing ever heard. This is a time-controlled spell and wears off after about an hour.
Loquia Vox - Make your victim speak until exhaustion. With this hex they wont be able to stop talking until they pass out. It can be quite funny to watch someone try to go to sleep but not be able to shut his or her mouth. There is no counter curse until the time period ends. Though some people do end up taking the voice away from the victim until that time. To do so, say, accio vox.
Rigamo - This makes your victim appear dead to the world around them. Their pulse will be undetectable to every medical invention. Some have let this curse go as far as the victim being buried. Counter Curse - Enervo Lambaro.
Swishiatus - This curse places the victims feet on his hands and hands on his feet. Try getting anywhere in that form. Counter curse - Repturno.
Repetio - Is it funny when someone repeats themselves? Is it funny when someone repeats themselves? It can be. Especially when a large group is gathered. Watch your victim say everything twice. While some victims only say every sentence twice, some are forced to repeat every word. Counter curse - Indigio.
Limerious - Have your victim talk in limericks for up to twelve hours. It can be rather amusing watching them struggle to find the right words to make a simple sentence. Most victims wont speak until their voice returns to normal. That usually only takes twenty-four hours.
Rerepetio - Use this curse on a book or some reading material. Your victim wont be able to tear him or herself away, literally. This curse forces the reader to continue rereading until the appropriate counter curse is performed. That counter curse is different for every cursed book. There is usually a key word in the reading that must be said in order for the curse to be released.
Enchantius - Curse your hair to change colors every hour. It can be quite entertaining. Not sure if you like the red, just wait as blue is one its way. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem
Tiarun - Causes blisters to form all over the body. A nasty and painful little curse, no spell can relieve the effects. Counter curse - Piantus Cream
Medusso - This turns the victims hair into snakes. Just like the legendary Medussa. Muggles believe that Medussa used her powers to turn victims to stone. The truth is that Medussa was a witch that once sacrificed a holy snake and found herself cursed with hair of snakes. She was able to turn people to stone, but that was no result of the snakes. Counter curse - Serpio.
Canto Horeur - This curse will hold your victim in fear of sleeping. What to expect are horrible nightmares, so terrifying that he will still be crying at lunchtime. Counter curse - Malicius Fini.
Dertario - Need a slave? This is the curse for you. Have you victim doing your bidding until the counter curse is performed. And yes, they will do anything. Counter curse - Reliesia.
Teticulus - This charming little hex will leave your victim sprouting tentacles from their arms and fingers. Add a little water and watch suckers form to the tentacles. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Indiratus - Want a more covert hex? Put this hex on your victims broomstick and he will never know it was you, or at least not be able to prove it. Next time your victim goes for a ride it will be a wild one. His broomstick wont follow any commands and he will be holding on for dear life. Counter curse - Broomstick Servicing and Repair Kit.
Vox (Animal) - Make your friend bark like a dog, croak like a frog, hoot like an owl, etc. Just add the name of the animal you want your victim to talk like and watch the show. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Bansheemus - Watch as every night for a week your victim screams like a banshee out of neighbors windows. With no counter curse this hex is sure to please you and aggravate neighbors.
Farschio - This is the forgetfulness curse. For a full twenty-four hours your victim will not be able to remember anything told to him. Laugh as he continues to comment on how he doesnt remember something that was said. Even better is that he wont remember that he didnt remember something, so as soon as those words escape his mouth he has forgotten them.
Reversio - This curse causes the victim to walk backwards until the counter curse is performed. Watch him struggle to walk backwards through crowds and up stairs. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Racio - This curse causes your victim to continuously hop to his destinations. Combine with the Reversio curse for added entertainment. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Wingaro - Watch as your victim grows radiant wings on his back. Sure they might be beautiful, but they will be quite an impediment to his daily routine. Try taking a shower with them. Counter Curse - Tupero Fei.
Bundungulus - Have you ever tried to curse facial blemishes away? Well this hex puts them on. Yes, your victims face will be covered with zits, pimples, and other scabs. Counter Curse - Moricramus Cream.
Pinoch - Just like legendary Pinnochio, who was a wizard, watch your victims nose grow with every lie. And grow rather painfully too. The nose will continue to grow until the victim tells three straight truths.
Cursevus - This is the reverse curse effect. Sick of someone always mistreating others with their abilities? Put this curse on them and watch as what they give out comes back three fold. This curse lasts for one week.
Defius - The twitching curse. Put this on your victim and watch them twitch away. They wont be able to stop until the counter curse is performed. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Dumbumbulus - Watch your victims ears grow larger than Dumbos, a muggle elephant character whose ears touched the ground. Your victim will have to carry his ears with him until help arrives. Counter curse - Detracto Lunas.
Omundus - Have your victim seeing his death at every turn. Make him psychotically hysterical with this hex. Counter curse - Posio.
Revealo - A truth potion without the potion. Your victim will literally find his thoughts written all over his face. An open book, anything he thinks will appear on his forehead for all to see. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Ectomei - Want to feel royal? Force your victim to bow on command with this hex. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Polearmus - The ever loved Coat Rack Curse. As it seems, turn your victim into a coat rack, place hats, cloaks, socks, anything you desire on his body. Counter curse - Grashio.
Skuntunta - Whats that smell? Oh yeah, its your victim. No shower will get rid of that putrid stench. Most people wont even come near enough to offer help. Counter curse - Sapio
The following six curses are highly dangerous and advanced.
Mistiamus - The suffocating curse. This sends a misty cloud that envelops your victims head and restricts their breathing. Slowly they suffocate ... unless help is near. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Ropello - The great squeeze. Watch as ropes ensnare your victim, slowly squeezing the life out of him. The ropes will continue to get tighter and tighter, until the counter curse is performed. Counter curse - Brakio.
Skeliarte - Ever had to have a bone removed? Well, this curse removes every bone from the body. You may ask how anyone could survive this, and the answer is rather simple. A protective bubble forms inside the victims body. Now, you may ask what the point is if they are still protected. Remember Skele-Gro? That is the only known counter curse, and if an arm being regrown is unpleasant, imagine regrowing every bone in the body. Counter curse - Skele-Gro.
Oculusei - Removes the sight of the victim for up to one hour. Watch as they struggle to get from one place to another. Particularly effective if used right before an upcoming event in which sight is needed. Counter Curse - None, curse wears off after one hour.
Wizario - turn your victim into a muggle for one hour. This curse takes away all magical abilities of your victim. Try to feel how helpless they have become. Perhaps, they will learn how muggles survive.
Frezio - Turns the victims lungs turn to ice. Try breathing when your lungs cant expand or contract. Counter curse - Warming charm.
Introduction
So, you are one of those busy people who never seems to have enough time to do everything. As such, you are easily irked and irritated because some things just take forever to complete. As you rightfully should, because time is a very precious thing to people like us! Muggles aren't the only ones who are evolving into a world where everything becomes instant, through what they call globalisation. If they can do it, we can do it even better. What's the use of magic if you can't just snap your finger and have your work be done in a blink of an eye? (Well okay, maybe not literally that fast, but still way faster than you would do it otherwise!)
Now that I've got your attention, here is what we offer. This book is precisely for those of you who simply have no time to spare for trivial things. For example, instead of cooking your own meal (which takes forever, I know!) you can zap them with a simple spell. No more boring deliveries, barely edible carryouts, or buying food from much too expensive restaurants! You can still have delicious gourmet food for that amazing Christmas dinner and get some important projects done all at the same night.
And before you say it's impossible to conjure food, that is not what I mean at all. What I'm saying is, you still need to buy the ingredients, but the spells in this book will teach you how to make them mix and cook themselves. Meanwhile, you can finish your other business until your food is ready. Isn't that very practical and saves a lot of your precious time?
Another example would be cleaning your house. You know it's such a daunting task, but your house sadly cannot clean itself and hiring a maid is just another waste of money. But can't your house clean itself? Maybe it can, with our basic hexes! There's no need to worry about having to spend hours upon hours with your dirty mop and feather duster anymore. It's the practical era in the Wizarding world with Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed. The book also covers more than just household issues. Got a boring job of sorting files and the likes? Forget computers; we’ve got much more advanced spells to solve your problem way quicker. After all, we understand that time is Galleons. And we're here to help you get more!
Provoking People
Our ever evolving Wizarding world is becoming increasingly busy. Which makes our time increasingly valuable. If you have ever been stuck in a situation where you just can't seem to get away from a torrential talker or an irritating in-law, this chapter may hold some hope for you. We'll take a quick look at a few charms and potions that just might buy you the quickest exit possible the next time you find yourself badgered into a corner!
A simple and highly effective solution to get someone to stop talking to you, is an instant assault on their olfactory senses. In other words, we are going straight to the nose of the situation! You can prepare for this problem at home. Simply brew up a basic elixir of Pepper Breath and pack a small amount with you when you leave your home. If you carry a small flask on yourself at all times, no one will suspect you are trying to scare them off. They'll just assume you are rather thirsty. You can also use the excuse that you are getting over a serious bout of Phantom Fever and must stay hydrated at all times. (We've provided the recipes to all elixirs and potions near the index, if it is not provided on the page.)
Another proven exit strategy is known as "breaking out in boils". This will almost guarantee anyone in your immediate area will avoid you at all costs! No one wants to be anywhere near a mysterious, sudden and possibly contagious skin condition. This is also one of the simplest charms to mutter when space is needed. Repeat the following phrase while pulling out an arm hair.
Fickle Fever
do arise.
Bubble and boil
as my disguise.
While the title of this chapter may seem like we're launching an assault, it is actually quite the opposite effect we are seeking. We're hoping the people you are trying to get rid of will be pushed into getting away from you themselves. If they take action to leave, you can walk away knowing you haven't made an enemy, but have managed to save yourself from at least a few miserable moments!
Jinxes in Jiffy
These days every witch and wizard seems to be strapped for time. This book is designed to help you make the most out of that precious time and hopefully find you a little extra throughout your day!
In this chapter we will take a look at a few ways you can use jinxes in a hurry. There will be no time wasted with these great hexes, we've narrowed it down to the simplest most effective ones that you can use to your advantage when needed.
When jinxing another person it is best to be aware that despite you best efforts to conceal your intentions. the other person may eventually catch on to who actually jinxed them. In cases like this remember to keep retaliation in the back of your mind before starting any of these jinxes.
One of the most convenient jinxes is the brisk bad luck incantation. This jinx can be uttered within a few feet of its target and can have the desired effect for up to 24 hours. It is best to use this particular incantation in open spaces, as it has been know to produce multiple victims in small rooms.
Mutter the next few sentences under your breath then quickly tap the targeted subject on the shoulder with the tip of your wand. (it is possible to make this look like an accident, see index for chapters on; Quick concealing charms)
Broken clovers and the blackest cats.
Descending down like a plague of rats.
shattered mirrors one by one
for just this day bad luck be done.
Another quick way to jinx an unsuspecting target is a quick and powerful potion called the double quick curse. This curse packs twice the amount of bad luck into one small bottle. Just be sure that you know that you are sure of your actions before uncorking the bottle!
This concoction is strongest when brewed under a new moon.
3 pinches of spider webs
5 broken frog legs
1/4 cup garlic
1/2 a pot of boiling water
Ad all ingredients to boiling water. Continue to boil and remove from heat when the spider webs began to evaporate. Slowly drain and store in an airtight glass container. This potion has a shelf life of at least 33 years.
Countdown to Being Carefree
This next chapter is dedicated to the art of dislocation. We are not talking about certain dark arts or causing bodily harm, what we are talking about is carefully relocating items you may want temporarily removed from you presence. These few hexes are written to guarantee a result in as little as thirty seconds. After all we seldom have extra time to spare these days.
You may find yourself in a situation where an inanimate object needs to be removed from your presence. Let's just say your great uunt's twice baked molasses potatoes are brought out at a family dinner. You could smile and suffer your way through the situation, or simply utter one of the following incantations to be rid of them! These simple hexes only work on items that do not breathe, so as long as your great aunt's potatoes don't have a heartbeat, your problem should be solved in a matter of moments.
There will of course be instances when others present will be watching you, so it is at times like these that our simple concealment charms chapter will come in handy. Once again this book is saving you valuable time, by providing the answers to all your hexing needs in one easy to find location!
Remember to speak clearly and direct your entire focus into the hex. Hexes can be broken, so remember to keep your wits about you should those pesky potatoes suddenly reappear. In that instance watch out! Your great aunt may be on to you!
Hiding Hex
Too close to see
to far to smell
Let the darkness
hide you well
From my sight
and others too
let no one even
think of you.
Vanished not Vexed
Be gone now I do no wrong
let my fortune be as it may.
Disappear without a trace
in this moment for a day.
Magic Worker
Like most busy bees, a lot of us like to be the go-to person. Usually this isn't easy to do, because it means being a peppy, multi-tasking delight with tons of free time. Of course, no one's like that. But this chapter will help you get closer to being that person. Because, whether it's your boss or your co-workers and friends, you can make hard-work seem easy if you know the charms to use.
This first handy hex is one you'll use as often as you use a quill. Which is probably every day, especially in class or at the office. Now, have you ever had the tedious and unfortunate necessity to copy down notes? Or have you ever had to take a message when your hands were full? Well, grab a quill, say the following sentence, and it will do the work for you, saving you time and energy.
Ink Sync
Go light feather through the air,
copy to the parchment there,
all that I have thought and said,
write it clear so it be read.
As important as being productive, is to look like a dazzling professional while doing it. Trust me, it doesn't help if you don't. Those of you who have walked around with a spot on your shirt or a rip in your stockings know what I mean. Not to worry though, I've got a way to repair damaged or stained clothes. This charm will have them tidy and fixed in seconds. Just put your wand on the clothing and use the following words.
Orderly Outfit
Wrinkled, stained with pumpkin juice,
for this piece I still have use,
clean it up, give it a spruce,
tie the threads that have come loose.
So, once you've gotten these down, you'll have two of the most tedious tasks virtually eliminated from your to-do list. And you haven't even broken a sweat. Enjoy it!
Silence is Golden
We all know when we’re busy we don't want to hear every noise going on. This can be difficult when you’re at the office and everyone is talking to each other, or when you are at home and everyone is screaming trying to be hear. Well, with this chapter we make it easy. You will find ways to block everyone out. We even have a spell so you don't have to listen but everyone will think you are.
This fist hex will work like a protective shell around you. Making it so you don't have to hear what is going on. This is perfect for when you are readings, studying, or you don't need to be involved. Remember don’t do this when you are flying you might crash.
For this hex you really want to concentrate and speak clearly.
Silence to all
The noise is to loud
Silence is needed
Please let my voice be the only one I hear
Silence to all I plead
To undo this when you are ready to hear the world again the reversal is:
Silence is lonely
Let others be heard
A voice needs friends
Let theirs voice join in
For this next hex it will allow you to block all unnecessary noise. Anything that is important will be heard. This you can use when you are flying, it makes for a great flight with others. I do believe this is one of my favorite hexes of all time.
This is great at work, you can block out your coworkers but you will still be able to hear your boss. When if you are cooking you will be able to hear the timer. Many uses I’m sure you will find a reason to fall in love with this hex too.
Knowledge is key
Silence is nice
But knowledge is key
Keep the word of chitchat
But let me hear all I need
Now the reversal to this is:
Knowledge is not all
Others should be heard
Sometimes chitchat is needed
Let the silence to take flight like a bird
Purgato! (Latin for cleaning)
For the more, mature witch or wizard, a clean home or work space is essential for a clear mind, after all the less clutter in your room the less thoughts cluttering your brain, but for those such as Mrs Weasley who have little time on their hands, a cleaning hex may just be what they are looking for.
This hex is actually taught in the second year, sadly most students tend to overlook it and deem it as a useless spell, however, I assure you that they are wrong.
So tell me my friends, have you ever found yourself with no time at all and a multitude of things to do?
Have you tried to prioritize but realized that cleaning is at the bottom of your list?
Are your friends falling out with you because you keep costing them house points due to your untidiness?
Maybe that easy to learn, cleaning hex isn’t so useless after all.
But first let me ask you, why is it that you find yourself with no time?
Perhaps you have a stack of homework yet to complete, or you want to get one more training session before the next Quidditch match, or maybe you just cannot be bothered to do anything yet your dormitory is a mess and you know that if it is not clean by the morning then you will have points deducted.
Well the solution is simple use the cleaning hex!
To perform the hex, one must stand close to the exit of the room or designated area (I will explain why in a moment.)
Let’s first practice the wand movement, I would like you to imagine that you are stirring a cup or tea (or whatever beverage you would prefer.)
That’s right, now you want your movement to be fairly wide after all the wider the circle, the stronger the spell (please take care not to injure oneself.)
Once you have mastered the movement the incantation is simple simply speak clearly the word: “Purgato” (Latin for cleaning), this is pronounced per-gar-toe.
Excellent, now do not stay to watch the magic unfold instead leave the room or designated area.
Should you have a door or window to peer through you will find that several objects in your room have started to move.
Yes, amazing isn’t it?
Clothes folding themselves up, books returning to their shelves, parchment rolling itself up and spilled ink fading away, the bed making itself and those Honeydukes wrappers floating into the bin.
Can you see why I have asked you to leave the room?
No, it is not to spoil your fun but whereas the hex may seem interesting to watch, it is not so interesting and amazing when you are hit in the back of the head which a thick, hardback, floating spell book.
Beautification Bewitchment
This hex is for the witch or wizard who prefers the comfort of their night robes and likes to spend an extra few minutes snoozing their owl alarm in the morning.
Do you need to present an outwardly immaculate appearance?
Want the skills of a Metamorphmagus but not born with that ability?
Yes there are ointments and potions available for defrizzing hair, make-up applying wands and even an on-body clothes iron. But really who has time for that?
Instead use the Bewitching Beautification Hex and turn up for work in your nightrobes with morning hair but to others look like the most enchanting person ever.
How to Perform the Hex
The good news is that you perform this hex on yourself before leaving the house and then for the amount of time you specify everyone who looks at you will be hexed. You do need to make sure you allow at least two minutes before you leave the house to perform the relevant wand motions and speak the incantation.
Step 1. Stand upright with the best posture you can muster (don’t worry you can slouch later - the bewitchment will remember and evoke this posture for the rest of the day though).
Step 2. Hold your wand in your non-dominant wand hand and wave it anti-clockwise around the top of your head three times repeating the words Beautification Bewitchment for each rotation.
Step 3. Relax your arm and speak the incantation below naming the length of time that you wish the hex to last for (up to a maximum of 24 hours) where I have written time needed.
They say you snooze you lose
But that’s not true
Now I’ve put this hex on you
My beautification bewitchment
Means all that see
See the perfect form of a perfect me
For the next (time needed)
If at me you glance
You’ll be under my beautification trance
Step 4. Hold the wand in your dominant hand and wave it clockwise around the top of your head three times repeating the words Beautification Bewitchment for each rotation.
Step 5. Check the effects by looking in a mirror.
Step 6. Go and face the world confident that you look fabulous.
WARNINGS
Overuse of this Hex can make those around you start to feel completely inadequate and may induce in them tears and frequent mirror visitations.
Hex may wear off if you boast too much.
Hex only applied after the first glance so people will see your natural state for a second.
It is best to wear shoes or hard soled slippers because this hex does not prevent lego (a notoriously painful muggle toy) on the floor injuries.
Hex is not effective on cameras on videos!
Now, here are fifty ways to curse, hex, and bewitch your friends. Complete with curse and counter curse, in case things get out of control. Some of these curses can be dangerous, use discretion and caution along with them.
Rictusempra - The tickling curse. If it sounds pleasant you are mistaken. This curse causes the victim to double up in hysterical bouts of tickles. The first ten seconds may be enjoyable, but it quickly becomes extremely painful. Ever hiccup too long and your chest starts to hurt? That is what this curse does, only ten times worse. Counter Curse - Infinite Incantatem.
Tarantallegra - Causes the victims legs to jerk as if in a quickstep. Force your friends to dance the day away. Of course this isn't exactly a dance, more as if the person is being pulled in ten different directions.
Counter Curse - Finite Incantatem.
Serpensortia - Emits a snake that attacks the victim. The snake comes out of the end of the wand. Usually goes after the first person it sees, though it can backfire so beware. Counter Curse - Finite Incantatem.
Furnunculus Curse - Causes warts to grow over the entire body. There is no counter curse; victim should go to a medical professional for an antidote. Warts usually remain for three days after curse is performed. Last a week if no medical attention is sought.
Jelly-Legs - Binds the legs together. Forces victim to hop around until counter curse is performed. Counter Curse - Extracto Limparo.
Slugiasho - Causes the victim to puke up slugs. This is quite the nasty charm. With no counter curse, victim continues to puke up slugs until the curse has worn off. Strongest for the first four hours, curse usually stops after twenty-four hours.
Esterase - This dashing hex causes all of a persons hair to fall out. Even more delightful is that there is no known counter curse, the victim is forced to wear hair replacements until the hair begins to grow back.
Engorgio Tetro - Causes teeth to grow abnormally large. Teeth will not stop growing until the counter curse is performed. Counter curse will stop growth and then slowly shrink teeth back. When teeth have reached their normal size say finite Incantatem. Counter Curse - Reducto Tetro.
Animagus Impero (animal)- This devilish curse turns the victim into animal. If you want to turn your victim into a rat say Animagus Impero Rat. You can replace the animal with any of your choosing. Counter Curse - Finite Incantatem.
Hepporio - Turns the skin green. Sick of looking at someone? Make your point with this curse. Effects wear off after twelve hours. No counter curse available.
Emprasio - Forces the person to call praises to the curse giver. A perfect curse to use on an enemy. What would be better than having that person glorify your name for thirteen hours straight. Yes, thirteen hours and there is no counter curse!
Diliashus - This curse makes the victim give insults to everyone. Everyone would include teachers and parents. What better way to land someone in detention than to have him or her tell off an elder. Counter Curse - Finite Incantatem.
Bashladak - Humiliate your enemy and watch him burst into tears with this clever little hex. Your victim becomes oversensitive and will shed tears over the slightest provocation. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Enragiamus - Watch your victim become extremely dangerous to those around him. Best to say this curse and run because you will also be at risk of his wrath. Counter curse - Yetti Hella.
Giddius - Want to impress an audience? Perhaps you just want to make someone look silly. Curse your friends with uncontrollable laughter. No matter what is said they will laugh as if it was the funniest thing ever heard. This is a time-controlled spell and wears off after about an hour.
Loquia Vox - Make your victim speak until exhaustion. With this hex they wont be able to stop talking until they pass out. It can be quite funny to watch someone try to go to sleep but not be able to shut his or her mouth. There is no counter curse until the time period ends. Though some people do end up taking the voice away from the victim until that time. To do so, say, accio vox.
Rigamo - This makes your victim appear dead to the world around them. Their pulse will be undetectable to every medical invention. Some have let this curse go as far as the victim being buried. Counter Curse - Enervo Lambaro.
Swishiatus - This curse places the victims feet on his hands and hands on his feet. Try getting anywhere in that form. Counter curse - Repturno.
Repetio - Is it funny when someone repeats themselves? Is it funny when someone repeats themselves? It can be. Especially when a large group is gathered. Watch your victim say everything twice. While some victims only say every sentence twice, some are forced to repeat every word. Counter curse - Indigio.
Limerious - Have your victim talk in limericks for up to twelve hours. It can be rather amusing watching them struggle to find the right words to make a simple sentence. Most victims wont speak until their voice returns to normal. That usually only takes twenty-four hours.
Rerepetio - Use this curse on a book or some reading material. Your victim wont be able to tear him or herself away, literally. This curse forces the reader to continue rereading until the appropriate counter curse is performed. That counter curse is different for every cursed book. There is usually a key word in the reading that must be said in order for the curse to be released.
Enchantius - Curse your hair to change colors every hour. It can be quite entertaining. Not sure if you like the red, just wait as blue is one its way. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem
Tiarun - Causes blisters to form all over the body. A nasty and painful little curse, no spell can relieve the effects. Counter curse - Piantus Cream
Medusso - This turns the victims hair into snakes. Just like the legendary Medussa. Muggles believe that Medussa used her powers to turn victims to stone. The truth is that Medussa was a witch that once sacrificed a holy snake and found herself cursed with hair of snakes. She was able to turn people to stone, but that was no result of the snakes. Counter curse - Serpio.
Canto Horeur - This curse will hold your victim in fear of sleeping. What to expect are horrible nightmares, so terrifying that he will still be crying at lunchtime. Counter curse - Malicius Fini.
Dertario - Need a slave? This is the curse for you. Have you victim doing your bidding until the counter curse is performed. And yes, they will do anything. Counter curse - Reliesia.
Teticulus - This charming little hex will leave your victim sprouting tentacles from their arms and fingers. Add a little water and watch suckers form to the tentacles. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Indiratus - Want a more covert hex? Put this hex on your victims broomstick and he will never know it was you, or at least not be able to prove it. Next time your victim goes for a ride it will be a wild one. His broomstick wont follow any commands and he will be holding on for dear life. Counter curse - Broomstick Servicing and Repair Kit.
Vox (Animal) - Make your friend bark like a dog, croak like a frog, hoot like an owl, etc. Just add the name of the animal you want your victim to talk like and watch the show. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Bansheemus - Watch as every night for a week your victim screams like a banshee out of neighbors windows. With no counter curse this hex is sure to please you and aggravate neighbors.
Farschio - This is the forgetfulness curse. For a full twenty-four hours your victim will not be able to remember anything told to him. Laugh as he continues to comment on how he doesnt remember something that was said. Even better is that he wont remember that he didnt remember something, so as soon as those words escape his mouth he has forgotten them.
Reversio - This curse causes the victim to walk backwards until the counter curse is performed. Watch him struggle to walk backwards through crowds and up stairs. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Racio - This curse causes your victim to continuously hop to his destinations. Combine with the Reversio curse for added entertainment. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Wingaro - Watch as your victim grows radiant wings on his back. Sure they might be beautiful, but they will be quite an impediment to his daily routine. Try taking a shower with them. Counter Curse - Tupero Fei.
Bundungulus - Have you ever tried to curse facial blemishes away? Well this hex puts them on. Yes, your victims face will be covered with zits, pimples, and other scabs. Counter Curse - Moricramus Cream.
Pinoch - Just like legendary Pinnochio, who was a wizard, watch your victims nose grow with every lie. And grow rather painfully too. The nose will continue to grow until the victim tells three straight truths.
Cursevus - This is the reverse curse effect. Sick of someone always mistreating others with their abilities? Put this curse on them and watch as what they give out comes back three fold. This curse lasts for one week.
Defius - The twitching curse. Put this on your victim and watch them twitch away. They wont be able to stop until the counter curse is performed. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Dumbumbulus - Watch your victims ears grow larger than Dumbos, a muggle elephant character whose ears touched the ground. Your victim will have to carry his ears with him until help arrives. Counter curse - Detracto Lunas.
Omundus - Have your victim seeing his death at every turn. Make him psychotically hysterical with this hex. Counter curse - Posio.
Revealo - A truth potion without the potion. Your victim will literally find his thoughts written all over his face. An open book, anything he thinks will appear on his forehead for all to see. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Ectomei - Want to feel royal? Force your victim to bow on command with this hex. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Polearmus - The ever loved Coat Rack Curse. As it seems, turn your victim into a coat rack, place hats, cloaks, socks, anything you desire on his body. Counter curse - Grashio.
Skuntunta - Whats that smell? Oh yeah, its your victim. No shower will get rid of that putrid stench. Most people wont even come near enough to offer help. Counter curse - Sapio
The following six curses are highly dangerous and advanced.
Mistiamus - The suffocating curse. This sends a misty cloud that envelops your victims head and restricts their breathing. Slowly they suffocate ... unless help is near. Counter curse - Finite Incantatem.
Ropello - The great squeeze. Watch as ropes ensnare your victim, slowly squeezing the life out of him. The ropes will continue to get tighter and tighter, until the counter curse is performed. Counter curse - Brakio.
Skeliarte - Ever had to have a bone removed? Well, this curse removes every bone from the body. You may ask how anyone could survive this, and the answer is rather simple. A protective bubble forms inside the victims body. Now, you may ask what the point is if they are still protected. Remember Skele-Gro? That is the only known counter curse, and if an arm being regrown is unpleasant, imagine regrowing every bone in the body. Counter curse - Skele-Gro.
Oculusei - Removes the sight of the victim for up to one hour. Watch as they struggle to get from one place to another. Particularly effective if used right before an upcoming event in which sight is needed. Counter Curse - None, curse wears off after one hour.
Wizario - turn your victim into a muggle for one hour. This curse takes away all magical abilities of your victim. Try to feel how helpless they have become. Perhaps, they will learn how muggles survive.
Frezio - Turns the victims lungs turn to ice. Try breathing when your lungs cant expand or contract. Counter curse - Warming charm.